Things I miss at Home

I remember waiting for weekends to go home to amma’s choru and sambhar. But now that I am home for months, i can’t help thinking about going back. It’s not that I don’t like it here. I do. But there is this weird sense of freedom that I miss which I was not even aware existed.

1. I miss making chaya without worrying about the right pathram(utensil) or the correct amount of sugar which seems to be passed down through generations.
2. ‌I miss sleeping very very late and waking up even late.
3.‌I miss feeling hungry and have lost all my ‘I eat when I feel like eating moments’ to ‘You eat when I tell you to eat’ moments. Hungry or not – You follow mom’s time table.
4. ‌There is nothing called a peaceful cooking experiment. You get ridiculed for everything including how two sliced carrots don’t look like identical twins. ( A birth secret, May be.. Sh..Sh)
5. ‌I miss littering my clothes around and finding the perfect day to fold them. Here, it’s Do or Die. Either you do them or leave them to the goddess of fire.
6. ‌I miss how my mother’s and grandmother’s eyes twinkled when I visited home on alternate weekends. They do glitter now and then these days, but I am not exactly sure about the feelings behind.
7. ‌I miss calling home on a bad work day. Now that I am working from home, shut in a room, it seems like there is no job as easy as mine. Hard luck😶.

‌These days I dream about living alone in a place with a thick bed, a table, a box full of books, occasional cooking experiments and chaya. I dream about having a space of my own. But I know, once I am there, I will rush over every other weekends to all Amma things. It’s weird how I wish for two opposite things just the same not knowing where my heart lies. I am torn between home and a home away from home.