What does it mean to be loved?
“What does it mean to be loved?” You once asked me.
We were on your living room couch watching ‘Guru’ on your old television set. You were already way over your fair share of beer and chicken and I was struggling to catch up.
‘What did you say’? I ask you, literally inhaling a chicken leg to even out the competition. You who lost interest, shrugged and said, “nothing” and we left it at that. I remember you humming to ‘Tere Bina’ for days after then.
And on one conversation months later, when we were re-watching it again, you told me that the movie meant nothing but love to you, that you choose to see only those beautiful shades of love between people and I nodded along, agreeing, not giving it much thought.
Today as I walk to your grave with a bouquet full of your favorite buckwheat flowers, I think I know what it means to love at least you. It’s trying to remember somebody so vividly- their likes, their dislikes, their scent, their smile, the conversations, it’s trying to breathe life into even the smallest of their memories long after they are gone, it’s letting them go with a piece of my heart or all . That’s what I do for you, that for me is love. And by the time we meet again, I hope you would have found your answer , tell me then what it means, tell me then how it feels.
Sitting by your grave, I read those lines you desperately wanted on your tombstone – the lines of one of your favorite songs and mine.
“Jage hain der tak,
Hamen kuchh der
Sone do thodee see rat
Aur hai subah toh
( “We’ve been awake for so long,
Let us sleep for some time more
There is still some night left
Let the morning come” )
So I let you sleep. I let you be at peace. But somedays the song keeps playing in an endless loop in my head, reminding me of you . May be that’s what you wanted, may be that’s how you know I miss you.
Screenshot : From movie, Guru
Caption. : @confused_thinker